When I was about 17 I ended up with this calamity in the Rubber Duck by the docks. She looked like Dawn French.
"I'm going to lose weight, I promise" she kept saying.
I kissed her and it felt like I was doing duck-apple in a bowl of custard. Horrendous stuff.
So I bummed her in the field by Seaforth station.
Then I went home to do some serious soul searching.
More Hideous truths...
This really did not happen to me, but to a close friend of mine.
He pulled some meffy looking sort about fifteen years his junior (always been a bit of a lothario my mate) and did the business in the back of his car on the way home.
Two weeks later there is a picture of the same bird on the front page of the Runcorn World underneath the headline "Girl Sues Nightclub After Toilet Horror".
Turns out the following week she'd sat on a bog in a popular Runcorn nightspot and her weight had been sufficient to crack the bowl in two, causing her to fall into it and sustain a 10 inch gash in one of her arse cheeks......there was even a picture of her baring the injured arse-cheek to show the stitches to the reader.
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